to you

grief settles in the pit of my stomach like gravel,
grinding and burning.
my eyes sting with old tears
the salt of which has gone sour.
they fill with each mention of you
and every catch of your shadow
-the hole left where you should be
singing, loving---living.
the crackle of your laugh echoing
as your eyes squint with joy.
but there is only a shadow;
an empty seat on the red couch
next to the man you loved most.

were you there after your eyes went blank?
did you hear my last "i love you's"?
feel my lips on your cheek?
i hope today you do.
i hope today you know now
how much my child's heart did love you.
in ways too big for me to say.
today grief says it for me.
i miss you --
but i know you are dancing.