in response to fasha comment about not blinking- i believe i may have achieved that this past week.

the week behind me, is what we college students in the south preverbially refer to as (and please excuse my french) a shit storm. there is really no better phrase. after spending most of last weekend, including a dreary saturday night at the sorority house in front of my computer working on a paper and believing i should be wildly ahead for the week, due this tedious and heady sacrifiace. But i quickly discovered i was laboring under a grave misapprehension. I began not sleeping all week- in fact i believe i even stopped blinking! Sunday was given up to celebrate the three years mark of the relationship with the boyfriend. some call this an anniversary. i cant really utter the phrase yet- too formal.
the monday. studied like a mad fiend for a test only AFTER completing the research for my paper. library-time of departure 5:30 am.
tuesday- wrote like rabid dog. went to bed at 6:00 am. that is put my head on the pillow and worried about my paper.
wednesday 12:00 am. receive word that paper due at 2 pm has been POSTPONED two days. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?

well after all that i turned it in anyway.

and started studying for my thursday quiz.

what a shitstorm

well my boyfriend and I -- as of next monday- have been together for three years.

I am a senior in colloge.

In about three weeks i will be 22 years old.

twenty two.

now i realize this may not seem old if you are on the other side of 22 but i am having a major crisis! what happened, i feel like i was just 17 like.. an hour ago... like i am still 17 sometimes. like i couldnt wait to be in college and its zooming by me and all i have to say was- that was it? it was a breath a moment a night. it is literally a series of four 16 week sections- thats like 16 fridays and boom its christmas. thats like 66 friday nights of college. 66 weeks of tests. 66 weeks of making friends. 66 weeks of living in a dorm being care free not having to pay for anything getting to pretend like your carrie bradshaw without all the baggage of adulthood. but thats 3000 days. that sounds like it should be so long. but its not. its going by faster and faster now that i want to stop and slow down. I feel like i am standing in front of a movie real just watching it move and staying-- wait stop id really like to enjoy that moment--- wait stop i wanted to have accomplished so much more by october 15 2008. wait stop! i wanted to have spent way more time with people than with my books. wait wait wait. i dont want this to be over so quickly. if this was supposed to be the best time of my life- i dont even know what "life" is going to look like. I hope for me it at least, it is much slower than college. its just gone too fast.

jimmy buffet

i keep finding these inconsequential song lyrics to be more and more true:

be GOOD and you will be LONESOME

but be lonesome and you will be FREE

live a lie and you will live to regret it

thats what living is to me...



it just seems integrity is so out of style lately. and instead, people adhere to totally fake personalities. maybe its just here, where "society" and "who your daddy is" and "old money" are so important to so many. but its just hard to have a real conversation sometimes.

its lonely

but thanks jimmy. you remind me:

that its free